I love the deviantart website, I can’t get enough of it! Maybe some day I will actually have enough art to put on there.  Hmmm.. but WHEN?? Hopefully tomorrow I will get some more work done.  I have the day off, once the laundry, cleaning, & general ‘housewife’ duties are finished, it’s art time -excuse me while my fellow nerds & I retire to th nerdery- Anywho, what’s new.  I found som fab art on the net which I always save & study techniques then mix it with a little music & try so very hard to come up with an idea of my own.  I am way excited for this weekend, no reason in particular but this fall weather is making me high!  I just can’t get enough of it.  Perfect for playing with our pups & such.  Grab a pup, a couple of cigars, & a hooded sweatshirt & I am there.  Can’t wait to watch Finding Neverland this weekend too, never have & we just bought it so yay.  Ahhh the simple things.  I am content today, yes quite content.  I am constantly amazed by God’s grace & blessings, & cannot fathom the past year of my life & how I have been constantly amazed.  How can anyone not want a piece of this?  I wish they could see…

Ok, I really need to get my butt in gear.  I look at my fingernails, they are longer than they have ever been in my entire life- not a good thing.  What this means is that I haven’t been sculpting.  In a long time.  I actually have to trim them they are so long.  It’s been weeks, perhaps a couple of months by now.  Shame on me.  I look on Ebay, fairies still sell.  I know I have major work to do before people find my work that appealing.  I haven’t found my niche yet.  I have ideas in my head, ideas that I never seem to actually turn into works.  What am I waiting for?  We could definitely could use the extra money.  WE want out of our house so badly but we have major projects to complete before that would ever be a reality.  Roof, septic, drywall, carpet, kitchen, laminate floors… on & on.  Who knows when our furnace will give out.  Some how I just don’t worry about all that though.  If I let myself, the situation becomes utterly hopeless.  I figure though, we should be very thankful for what we do have… even if it takes us the next ten years to fix it up.  What were we thinking!!?? Oh well- what are you going to do about it I guess.  So is my art the ticket?  There was a time I believed my art was my ticket out of working for someone… so what am I waiting for?  I can do it… I know I can, I just haven’t tried hard enough.  I hated school work, math, history, science, tests especially.  Art is the only thing I have ever tried at & succeeded in so why have I given up now?  I feel liberated.  Now, how to keep this feeling until I’ve gotten off work, made dinner, eaten dinner, worked out, cleaned up… should be about 8:00 by then… how do I not get burned out?  We’ll see how it goes.  God, help me find the strength & inspiration to show your love & grace through my works. 
Once again…
There’s a burning in my heart every day, I come to you, I look to you & say-
When will I beome everything that you intended me to be? 

don’t feel like writing- so bleh. i swear when i die my grave stone will say simply -bleh-

Why am I misunderstood so much?  How frustrating is that?? I know that later, when I express my side of the story- only one will still be seen.  GRR.  So it makes me just go -sigh-  Since I am the master of silence treatments, that is what I have planned.  I am currently in the process of one.  Too bad no one notices, in fact, it’s probably a relief for others in the room.  I guess my question is- where do you get off?  How can you be so defensive & offensive to me & just get away with it.  OK, grace of God where are you!!?? How am I supposed to react?  Oh it’s ok, please, I beg you, twist the knife just one more time.  Yes, that’s me being over dramatic again.  *shock*  Alright, well anyways.  I got a couple of painting or drawing or whatever ideas today.  I am trying so hard to not be cynical, but my initial responce (to myself) when I get an inspiring idea is… yipee.. like I’ll ever actually create them.  In my infinite wisdom I tell myself- hmm if I weren’t so pathetically negative, perhaps I would acomplish something.  Multiple personalities?? Perhaps.  I guess I always have that haunting in the back of my mind that I really do amount to -nothing.  I dropped out of college, I haven’t ’succeeded’ in my art, I would still have a crap job if not for my husband, I can be incredibly lazy, & messy…. I basically have no direction.  The thing is, that’s all ok with me.  I am sure in the eyes of society that just isn’t acceptable.  Society?? Psshh, give me a break.  Alright, well anyways.  I just got some more crap on my desk to do.  Once again.  yipee…  oh & also- hmph.

I heard a great piece on the radio the other day.  The guy was saying how a lot of times you hear people say they don’t want to be a part of christianity because of all the hypocrites & what not.  I know I have heard this.  The fact is, christianity has nothing to do with following others examples at all.  It’s following the example of Christ.  So it really is just a cop out to say that because of the way ‘Christians act’ I don’t want to be a part of it.  I know that christians are often given a bad rap because of the actions of certain people… well, I’m willing to live with it.  Unless you have a problem with Jesus- which, I just can’t imagine what that problem would be… there is no excuse to not give it a chance.  Imagine the change in the world if everyone knew what christians know when they know Christ.  I couldn’t live without it, I know that.  
Philippians 4:6-7
6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

So yea, how cool is that.  Pretty much takes care of any problem I would ever come across. So yay for me & anyone I can share that with…

OK, so Sunday I actually had the time to do whatever I wanted with my art.  My husband played video games with his bro & I watched a movie.  Basically 2 hours to do whatever I want.  Yea. How much art did I do?  None.  Not even my tat.  First of all, I picked American Beauty for the movie.  Bad move.  I watch that one too closely, plus it’s been a while since I have seen it.  I don’t get it though.  I can be flowing with ideas, itching to grab my sketch pad… then when it’s time- nothing.  Oh well I guess, there is always tomorrow.  I am still working on a tat design though.  I have this butterfly design I am in love with.  I just can’t get over the fact that it is a butterfly though. I even think about telling people what I have.  What is your tattoo?  … … . a butterfly.  Yea, me & 10 billion other people got butterflies.  Sheesh.  My thing is though, I do love the symbolism of changing & growing wings & in & on, practically perfect for my life.  Plus, who cares what anyone else thinks.  I have considered a bird though too.  Or a tree, I have tossed that one around forever.  Can’t come up with  a good design though.  Plus, I am leary about finding an artist that will do a good job a on a tree.  There is a great place about an hour & a half from us though, where I got my first one.  Looks like their staff has gotten even better.  I am excited about that.  Well anyways… nothin too exciting.