Well, I am please to discover that in this tiny town, there is indeed culture to be found.  I am discovering all sorts of fun shops and organic food places, and galleries.  I think it’s cool.  Anayways, tried out a new method for making wings yesterday, I think it will be awesome- just take some getting used to.  As soon as I do though, I will do a tutorial.  I think it will give me completely different results than usual, which will give me more options, so yay.  I must say, I feel… like something is hanging over my head today.  The only way to get rid of this feeling is to vent.  There are only two ways of venting that I know of.     1. Drawing stick men   2. Art, writing, sculpting, whatever.  But I can’t do it here, I don’t want my blog to turn into a ‘MySpace’ journal.  So I better go grab my real journal.  Guess that’s it, yay- it’s weekend time. 

Oh yea!  I hate Chase bank.  We went in there to pay our quarterly federal taxes. Ok, we took cash in from our bank- because our bank is a credit union so they can’t send checks to federal ( a whole other story) so anyways, we take our CASH to Chase, and they couldn’t take it.  Yes that’s right a bank couldn’t accept cash from a non member to turn into a check. anyone say WTF??? We had to open an account to pay our f-in taxes.  Say what??  Now that’s venting. 

Well I have to try it out first before I get too excited.  I feel so very frustrated right now.  Business makes me so angry sometimes.  How in this ‘day & age’ if you will, can an honest person convince someone that they are the real deal?  We have a good thing going here, & it is so tough to convince people that we really can help them out & that we trully mean what we say?  It’s a hard call to make.  I feel some major negatvie energy here at the office today, & I can’t hardly stand it, I want to run outside and… and… I really don’t know what, just get away.  I wouldn’t dare ask when this feeling will change, because I know better.  The answer will be the same as always, oh God, when will things change??  All in good time, all in good time.  Sometimes when you look back you wonder why you ever ask such a question.  The fact remains through all of this that I know all these things, but still at this moment have to wonder… when will it change?  I just feel weighted today, & I can hardly wait for the smoke to clear.  Why do people let stress rule their lives?  Why do people seem to have it so right sometimes, and other times are so far off?  Maybe it’s that arrogent attitude that I just can’t stand, that tone of voice that says, I know exactly what the situation is, and the final -silence treatment- when the conversation is ended abruptly by yours trully & I don’t have a care in the world.  Well, go ahead & pout, remain in your coccoon of pent up anger and realize when you are all alone later that you might just have been an ass today.  I gotta say, life is way too short for this kind of crap.  Let’s grow up… no?  All the while you are a part of our plan to help others out, & even you reject it, you worry about stupid crap that isn’t needed & of course you’ve got all the answers.  HMPH… I’m frustrated.

I have some new supplies coming in within the next few days that hopefully will change the way i do some of my sculpting, I am excited.  I think that I have a hint of doubt in myself lately.  I don’t understand why sometimes we can feel on top of the world & other days we question everything… human?  I guess.  I wonder some days if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing with my art.  Am I trully using my talent for the glory of God?  Do I really have talent or am I washed up?  What if I am one of those people that feels something so deeply that it has to be a part of their life, like my art & it is my life long dream to create and live off my art… but then it turns out I stink?  Aren’t there people out their like that though?  People who want to be an actor or musician or dancer and it is in their every fiber, but they just aren’t good enough to make it, then what?  I guess for me, I want to do it for fun anyways, but I don’t want to perceive myself as something I am not.  I’d like to think that no matter what I am doing that I am doing what  is right to glorify God & that’s all that matters.  I love art and I enjoy creating and I want to use what I’ve got.  Whether what I produce is a fairy or a religous painting, I still believe that in the end, it pleases God.  Plus, if I would ever sell my art I want to do good things with the money.  I think I’ve got alot to learn though.  Some days I am proud of my work, & some days I think it sucks.  Practice makes perfect I guess.  I always worry that it won’t be fun anymore if I push myself too much.  I have alot to learn not just about my own art, but about life in general.  I feel like I have so many questions and that I am a child.  I just keep going back to that song…..

There’s a burning in my heart everyday i come to you, I look to you & say-

when will I become everything you intended me to be? 

When I learn to listen better maybe… I am trying, but it seems with every situation I ask myself if I am reacting the right way or setting an example like I should & its hard to be sure.  I wonder too sometimes if changing my life for the better means that maybe I don’t have anything in common with some of my friends anymore?  I want to be a good example though and be Christ like, so how can I cut them off?  I don’t know, I didn’t really have time to touch my clay at all today, & frankly I really didn’t feel like it anyways. 

Well she is all scaled up and now in one piece, thank goodness!  Check it out if you want.  I am pretty excited about this one, if nothing else it has been fun for me & a good lesson.  I will be using a new technique on the tail that hopefully I will use for wings too if it works well.  If I do find it useful I hope to post a tutorial of it soon.  I hope that when people see my work they can ask me any sort of question about it, & I will keep no secret.  I really want to help others out with what I know.  Hopefully by the end of today I can have my mermaid baked & painted & maybe even have hair.  That will be a relief.  Other than this, not too much going on.  I am not sure what I want to start working on next, but I bet it will be fun! 

No one but You can understand what I’m feeling tonight
Here I come running back to the arms
You’ve left open wide
Just when I need You
You come into focus
You let me see Your face
Know You’re here in this place and kiss these tears away  

I am still working on my mermaid… one scale at a time.  Yes I have decided to give her individual scales & it is taking forever!!! I think it looks pretty neat though.  Hope it all comes together in the end.  I have experimented with liquid sulpey today, didn’t really get much out of it.  I just didn’t like the way it looked!  So I guess we’ll see on that.  It is friday & I am glad for it.  I sure do hope I can sleep in tomorrow!  It is fair weekend… woo-hoo.  The fair means nothing to me, but seeing our friends play the grandstand, that does!  I am so excited for their band!! We get to see Mark Schultz again too, he is awesome.  I am going to Fort Wayne tomorrow to see A Suessical or however you spell it!! I am way excited about that too!  It will be good times.  Of course Genny & I are stopping by the olive bar too.  I can’t wait!  Sounds like a cool hang out or something eh?  Nah, it’s a farmer’s market they have an olive bar.   We love those olives!  Ok, guess that’s about it for me… back to scaling my mermaid!